- Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now
growing in the middle.
- BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except
Mom to be self-cleaning.
- COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
- DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mum can enjoy worrying
about the kids in a different setting.
- EMPTY NEST: See "WISHFUL THINKING."
- FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.
- GUM: Adhesive for the hair.
- HINDSIGHT: What Mum experiences from changing too many diapers.
- INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
- JUNK: Dad's stuff.
- KISS: Mum's medicine.
- LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mum buys powdered
mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and
ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and next a profit of 15 cents.
- MAYBE: No.
- Nail Polish: Part of an assortment of make-up items such as lipstick,
eyeliner, blush etc. which ironically make Mum look better while making her young
daughter look "like a tramp."
- OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mum's nickname for Dad.
- PANIC: What a mother goes through when the darn wind-up swing
- QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the
birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.
- REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air-conditioner for
- SPOILED ROTTEN: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes
- TOWELS: See "FLOOR COVERINGS".
- UNDERWEAR: An article of clothing, the cleanliness of which ensures
the wearer will never have an accident.
- VACATION: Where you take the family to get away from it all,
only to find it there, too.
- WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with
- XOXOXOXOXO: Mum salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing
note in a kid's lunch box even more mortifying.
- "YIPPEE!": What mother's shout the first day of school.
- ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried
or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.